The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less” – Unknown

The title of this narrative is taken from Timothy Keller’s book by the same name. Self-forgetfulness - true humility or selflessness - is a rare commodity today. Integrity is a familiar word that is easily thrown around in the leadership world today. Integrity can be defined in several ways but the best might be “to do the right thing in the moment.” How often do you live by this standard?

The truth is, no leader will ever consistently do the right thing in the moment if they are selfish. Therefore, in order to develop the quality of integrity that someday will be visible as a personal and professional character trait, we must be willing to actively pursue selflessness.

We are all born selfish and sometimes we encounter people who have never been taught otherwise. Selflessness is not natural but pursuing it will produce many blessings. This starts by committing to model selflessness. We will seldom “feel” like being selfless; living this way must be a choice we make!

Most organizations are in some way in the service business. The actual “spirit of servanthood” is built on the foundation of selflessness – if it is to be genuine and sustained. However, we cannot fake servanthood for the long-term. True servanthood must stand on the solid foundation of selflessness. Deep down we all know that’s the truth! So how do we do it; what are some of the keys to growing to be more selfless as a leader?

1. NOTICE: Be completely AWARE and FULLY PRESENT with each individual in front of you in the moment – no matter the circumstances. Do not let technology or other “noise” distract from the attention a person deserves.
2. KNOW: Take a few extra moments to get to know each person you encounter each day. Try to understand their “IMPORTANTS.” This means knowing the names of important people in their life, their hobbies, their background, and some of their dreams. Genuinely seek to know them. “You really care” is always spelled T-I-M-E.
3. PREPARE: Prepare yourself to inspire/breathe into your family members, team members, and other individuals each week. You have an influence on others every day. It is either good or bad. Make sure it is positive. Spend some time each week learning and preparing to inspire each group with whom you have potential influence.
4. FEED: Feed yourself good mental food to nourish your thinking; you cannot feed others from an empty cup. This just emphasizes #3 above. Find a way to work on it. Start reading good books and listening/watching good podcasts and videos. There are many great resources for accomplishing this!
5. REMEMBER: Becoming a person of integrity begins by “doing the right thing in the moment” with every single person you have the opportunity to see – every day. But this requires the pursuit of selflessness. Get in the habit of asking yourself; is this decision/action selfish or selfless?

As we leaders become more mature and comfortable in our own skin, progressively overcoming our own insecurities, we are able to release our fears and stop comparing ourselves to others. We are able to become more authentic and genuine. The great paradox is that the more we appreciate our personal uniqueness and purpose; the more we can empty ourselves of our own selfishness and choose selflessness. That’s the freedom of self-forgetfulness.

Find out more about how to become a selfless and engaged leader here!